is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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