1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
