I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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