if you like me you must not know who I am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize