Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
