He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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