the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
