Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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