rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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