What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
