Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
