Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
