Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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