Apparently you make a good broom.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
