You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
