Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
