i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she looked like the before picture.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
