new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
