I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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