The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
