I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize