God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
