so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
barbara walters just said penis...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
