Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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