dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
