I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize