ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
