I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
