My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
