If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
