Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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