Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize