i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize