Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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