So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
