when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yo dont text me then not text me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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