i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
