Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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