Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
