My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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