I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
