I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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