think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
