4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
