"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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