sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
