well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
