Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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