i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
soo... how was my night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
