Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
