What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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