Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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