never play flip cup with pint glasses
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
