The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize