I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
