I cut my penus on the lid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I could fuck to npr.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
