Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just pee around me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
