you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
