what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am midnight drunk by noon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
