i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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