i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
