so that wasnt chicken after all
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
