a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
