i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
