I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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