I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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