Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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